A Controversy

Normally, I do not address background issues in this blog. I have had to in a number of other blogs, dues to unscrupulous attempts to ruin the sites,  but with "The Forgotten Grief", I thought I would never have to since in almost 40 years, my work and reputation have been so well known.  An unfortuate amount of controversy has arisen, partly coming from that other direction, as some highly unethical folk have attempted to all but erase even my identity and early career history.  If it were not that serious, I would not address the following, but it seems necessary after so long a time.  As a Christian, I will not 'name names', nor get into gory details, but rather focus on a few facts about my own life and career, so that any one encountering unfortunate information, may have the 'other side.' My bio and cv may be found at elizabethkirkleybest.blogspot.com which may be all verified either online or by university indices.  If something cannot be found, it may be in a special index or archive, and one can easily write to me if there is any doubt, and I will be happy to provide the source, which is almost always 'checkable'.  Part of the problem has arisen, as several people have attempted to 'rewrite' my early articles and works, in some cases with politically and religiously charged motives.  In two cases, several articles have been 'reworked' and republished under a different name but this is unethical and illegal and in at least one case, the person was not even in the field.

When Dr. Kellner and I published several foundational articles many years ago, all the work behind our work was either based upon my dissertation and research, or his and Dr. Donnelly's Perinatal Mortality Counseling Program in OB-Gyn at UF.  As such, all of our work was done at the hosptial or in Psychology, carefully documented, monitored, approved and in some cases videotaped and signed. Every piece of research we did had to go through a process of several department's approval, and our team approach greatly benefitted us, in that we both had constant professional witnesses to our work.  Back then it was a very unique work, with few involved even nationally,  but even then, we encountered an occasional author who thought we should give him or her greater mention, etc, as the human ego is a frail thing.  However, Dr. Kellner and myself (he has recently passed away) had an M.D./Ph.D and a PhD respectively: his in Obstetrics and internship in Psychiatry, and mine in Psychology, in a research division.  Dr. Kellner had high level writing and publishing experience as well, and even in my early years, my training in research, statistics and writing was above what most graduate students had.  We published together for a few years, then each of us published independently, and successfully.

A few facts:

1. All of our research is verifiable and 'certified', obtaining back then multiple committee approvals, and other still proveable evidences.

2. My doctorate is in Personality Psychology (a research/academic degree) from University of Florida Department of Psychology, and I have taught at UNF, UF, NEOU Coll Medicine, a seminary and several other places over the years part time.   His obituary states the following:

Union College, where he was an Eliphalet Nott Scholar. Attending the State University of New York, Downstate Medical Center in the Combined-Degree Program, he received both a M.D. and Ph.D. degree in 1973 doing research in embryology. This was followed by a residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Jackson Memorial Hospital, Miami and a fellowship in Maternal-Fetal Medicine at the University of Florida. He was board certified in both fields and had been on the faculty of the University of Florida since 1977.

3. Both of us in the course of our careers received grants and our publications are accessible and well-known, including the most cited lit-review, "The Forgotten Grief" in American J Orthopsychiatry in 1982. (see Google Scholar)

4. "The Forgotten Grief" was a literature review in 1982, but had also been the title of the perinatal section of my dissertation which is available online, including on forgottengrief.wordpress.com and via the digital collections of George Smathers Library, UF.  I own the copyright to my dissertation.

5. One of the biggest challenges to my work, after we had ceased working together, was at NEOUCOM in 1984-86 when after years in the field, one woman there who had not received her doctorate at that time, and in a very different area, 'wanted in' on the work.  It was then an unqualified person, and my work was already established: I have since that time worked independently completely.

6.In 1985, though I had been completely secular before,  I became a Christian. Part of the conflict has been that, as some persons not aware of ethics in research think they can 'have' or 'rewrite' my early work, which is of course ludicrous.   The challenges are attempts at career ruin, and occasionally affronts to free speech as some early work shows developing maternal attachment in pregnancy.

7. One woman in the literature has developed what she calls the "Prenatal Maternal Attachment Inventory", but Kellner and I developed an instrument of that name in 1979-80, where it was validated in OB clinics.  This is verifiable: it is also mentioned back then in a significant legal brief. My field is also partly test development and I had used the instrument early.

8. My dissertation has the 'Grief Scale' developed for raters in Perinatal bereavement, which was also validated and checked for inter-rater reliability.  I included some of that data in the appendix of my dissertation, although several versions other than the originals, have shown up with one of the pages missing.  The original is available and was verified through my doctoral committee and via the graduate school office for Dissertations and Theses.

9. I presented in 1984 in Toronto at APA a paper called "Authenticity and Grief: Grief is Not a Disease", a Response to George Engel's "Is Grief a Disease".  Copies of the paper were distributed then, and abstracts are still available.  I believe the conference session was also recorded.

10. While several of my articles may be found online, a few require a trip to a university library, although I am trying to post copies on forgottengrief.judahsglory.com (forgottengrief.com is also mine, but currently awaiting the site being rebuilt.  Formerly it was(is) at angelfire.com/journal2/forgottengrief.

11. My last professional article in the field was "The Hidden Family Grief" at Kirkley-Best, E., & VanDevere, C. The hidden family grief: An overview of grief in the family following perinatal death .

 Journal International Journal of Family Psychology & Psychiatry1986 (7)Pp:419-437.Cited by 26 The journal has either become defunct or changed names, and I have not found the exact outcome of it.  This article was part of a two part study conducted at the Department of Psychiatry, Akron Children's Medical Center, and Dr. Van Devere was the past chair of the department, though he is now retired. He was added as he made the facilities available and contributed to the discussion.

12. Very early, I developed helps for parents as well as professional resources.  These included songs, poems and even things like burial blanket designs, and cross-stitch patterns for commemorating babies' deaths.  One poem was published in Best, Elizabeth Kirkley. Pharos: J Medical Humanities: 1985,48(2) p. 36

 13. Some of the resources were published in SHARE's earliest resource manual by Sr. Jane Marie Lamb, Springfield/Belleville Illinois.  

14. One of the current issues that keeps coming up is Counseling Parents Experiencing Perinatal Death: A Handbook for Parents & Professionals.  This was originally published in 1982-3, and was distributed nationally, and at the APA Convention in 1983 in Anaheim CA where I gave the first APA workshop to both physicians and psychologists.  This is still listed in APA records. The handbook in workshop form has been online for over 17 years on the site "The Forgotten Grief".  I revamped it to 'book' form in 2007,  but am still working on a 3rd edition.  I have never sold the rights to it, nor invited anyone to ruin it.  

15. Last but not least, "forgottengrief.com" (currently only for redirect) has been located several places on the net for years, most eminently at forgottengrief.com and angelfire.com/journal2/forgottengrief.   For the past 2-3 years I have been rebuilding the site on forgottengrief.judahsglory.com which I also own.  My registration is too well known.  The site was not to start a war, to go full time back into the field, to be an affront to any other project or person, but was a receptacle for basic comfort and information on the topic so that the very substantial work of those early years would not go to waste.  It is strictly for aid in mourning.   I am not affiliated with SHARE, HAND, or any other parent or hospital group currently.  In 1987-8 I redirected to ministry, then to Shoah Studies for the Church, but kept up this work part-time in the background.

I have to say in sum that I am utterly appalled at the unprofessional conduct emerging these days at universities, in churches, etc in which people attempt to 'bulldoze' another's career and work (particularly at the end) for the main purpose of getting ahead, or thinking they can just show up and take the place of someone who has worked in the area for 40 years.  The gesture is insane, and hurts everyone in the field,as well as parent care.  There is no competition here:  I started around 23 and I am now 63:  mostly I am finishing the last few things I meant to write or get in order, in order to aid in the foundation of a continuing work.  My last speech in the field was a keynote in NY at the national conference called "The Mourning After Death", a play on Emily Dickinson's poem, calling for honesty and authenticity in our approach to grief: to recognize that we are not there for anyone but the bereaved: our careers, reputations etc. can wait.  I also said then, that I had serious questions about research becoming an intrusion and an affront to care, as people were even in that field trying to get ahead and 'make their fortune' off the death of infants.  How sad!  How sad to have to write this 40 years later!   I have just said my 'goodbyes' to two old friends and influences on my career, and have had also to say goodbye in 2005 to Jane Marie Lamb.  My great desire for the field is that research and careers do not become the 'main thing' in Perinatal Grief and Mourning, but comfort, teaching and care to keep parents from despair.  I make that a challenge to the new generation moving up into all of our places.

The Passing of Friends

 It is with great sorrow, and belatedly, that yesterday searching the net for some minor detail, I ran across obituary notices for two old friends and valued people in my life.   Both of these people were central influences in my early career, and inspired me with information, kindness, and insight to follow the path that I followed early, in the Study and understanding of Mourning and Bereavement.

Kenneth R. Kellner, MD, PhD: Professor Emeritus, Department of Obstetrics, Shands Teaching Hospital, University of Florida

In 1978 or just into 79, while a graduate student 'up the hill' working in Studies of the Self, and beginning to dabble in death and dying, and related topics, a faculty member stopped me and told me of a marvelous opportunity 'down the hill' (The J. Hillis Miller Health Center, the UF School of Medicine, was 'down the hill' from the Psychology Building).  They were looking for a graduate student who might be able to aid with developing research on the topic of Perinatal Bereavement, or Grief and mourning with stillborns.  I immediately said 'yes': it was just what I had wanted to do: for my Masters, and up till then, my studies were dry and scientific, theoretical, and as both a researcher and young mother,  this opportunity appealed to me as precisely what I had hoped for.  From 1978 until 1982, and years afterward, the work that Ken Kellner, Dr. Donnelly (Pathology) and myself would do, would help set the groundwork in America for research in the area.    None of us knew that at the time:  Dr. Kellner, with Dr. Donnelly's advice and aid had established Perinatal Mortality Counseling Program, an interdisciplinary team approach to onsite, inhospital, compassionate and informed intervention and counseling for parents at Shands experiencing prenatal loss and stillbirth. (Kellner, KR, Kirkley-Best, E., Donnelly,W. et al,1981)  This team approach, rather unique at the time, coordinating pathology, OB-GYN, Psychology & Social Work) would later serve as a template for hospital programs all over the world.  It was an exciting time, though very sad, as we listened to the mourning and sorrow of so many mothers, whose infants had died at or before birth.  Dr. Kellner's death has added a wistful end to his work, as his full and busy life stands next to those small lives, who because of 'fate and The Fall' came only to change lives.

I did not know that Ken was sick with cancer: we lost touch over the years, had some minor 'spiffs', but how they pale the moment someone who was significant in your life is gone!   The last time I saw him face to face was in the 80s:  we wrote a note or two, one at his retirement regarding time for him and his wife to travel, but how fast the time went:  he had a great sense of humor and when I worked with him, I remember he had a wooden carving of his name on his desk: one day while we were talking, I took my finger and absent mindedly ran it across the dusty 'name carving' and he started to to tease about whether I was accusing him of bad housekeeping!  In graduate-student flustering, I assured him not, and he laughed, but that was what he was like.  Back then he looked like Howie Mandel.  I hardly recognized him late.

Everyone who knew him, the hundreds of interns, medical students, co-workers, could agree on one thing: he was hard working and excellent at what he did.  God graced me with several people like that in my early training:  I learned to care about detail and accuracy,  about always attributing credit where credit is due, about care and patience with families and about listening: that was an odd lesson from a clinician, as I have worked with many who despite their strengths, often fail at that trying occupation.  I was gone from the team for 30+ years, though kept some of my own research going and developed "The Forgotten Grief" website, based upon an article he and I co-authored, that became a foundational literature review in the area.  My early work was much better because of Dr. Kellner: he was a careful editor and thinker, and wrote well.

I know he loved his wife and children, speaking of them often.  I don't recall meeting Mrs. Kellner, but know her life as a physician's and professor's wife must have been very trying, I will remember to pray for her and his family.  While Dr. Kellner was not only known for his work in Perinatal Bereavement, our early work, as that of others such as Glen Davidson (SIU), Sr. Jane Marie Lamb(SHARE) and others went so far:  back then, we were surprised at how many people would listen: there was so little intervention.  Now,  even with those early seeds of research, counseling and care,  there is almost not a hospital even abroad, that doesn't at least have referrals and support groups.   What you plant, grows.  So many people die, having led full lives, but leaving nothing behind.  While his secularism might not agree with this thought: how great the grace of God, to allow us to plant those seeds in life that lead to a healing work.  How comforting it is, not to think of where we went in our careers, but of how many people now are comforted by the work.  Here is one of his last lessons to me, unintended: never let the minor distractions of life, or the pursuit of career or achievements overshadow a far better great work, of healing and comforting other people in pain.

In my mind, I will always remember the young doctor who looked like the one on "St. Elsewhere".  A stalwart and dignified family man who taught me to be a better psychologist and human being.  May his family be comforted in knowing that their sacrifices through the years, were just as critical in the work as his: they share in the comfort of many worldwide.

Dr. Hannelore Wass, Department of Education, 

Foundations of Education, U of Florida

In the same day I learned of Kellner's death, I found quite belatedly, that Hannelore Wass had died in 2013, though no one had told me.  Hannelore was on my doctoral committee: I chose her because she taught my first college course in Thanatology, or Death and Dying.  She was warm and friendly, and though even then nearing retirement,  engendered many students into the field or related fields.  Hannelore was a founding member of what is now ADEC, but then National Forum for Death Education and Counseling, and the editor and founder of Death Education and Dying: Facing the Facts: an annual publication of research and theory in Death and Dying.

Because of Hannelore, I was greatly inspired to go into the study of Grief and Mourning:  before, I studied Depersonalization, a component of Grief and other experiences, and her early influence and help got me started publishing.  She was always animated and cheerful, though at the same time dignified.  She told the story in her class, which met one summer in her home, about growing up in Nazi Germany,  and at 9 experiencing a bomb blast which hit their apartment home.   Later in life, Hannelore would go on to study the fascination of youth with Nazi culture in the post-Columbine climate in an effort to understand and circumvent future occurrences.

One of my favorite stories though about Hannelore, was one that occurred after I left Psychology for ministry-related efforts.   Shortly after I made the difficult decision to leave, around 1987,  me and my children travelled down to Orlando to visit family, but we stopped on the way to 'checkin' and say hello to some folks from UF.  I had become a Christian, and the interchange was a bit stressed because not all of my former faculty members understood.  By coincidence, that evening, Hannelore was sponsoring the Peterson lecture, and annual endowed lecture on topics in Thanatology, and she invited me to stay for the talk.  The talk was by the professor from Rutgers, Myra Bluebond-Langner, who wrote: The Private Worlds of Dying Children.  As she spoke, she made a statement, off the cuff, about how, at least in her research, they never spoke of heaven or an afterlife!   As I sat there that night,  I thought to myself "Well of course they don't, no one ever tells them about heaven!"  The more I thought about it, the more it became clear that this was a serious untapped need for both dying and bereaved children, that they might know they are loved and to have hope.  When I returned home, I started the ministry which would become Judah's Glory,  though the first name of it, in 1987, was 'Hope to Heaven', which provided coloring and workbooks for Christian children.

I have learned in my life so much from Hannelore (I'm not being 'cheeky': everyone by her permission called her that).  Here was a woman who early in life knew Nazi Germany and bomb blasts, but instead of developing bitterness, taught people indeed, to 'face death' with hope and strength.  Later, she would work to fight the roots taking hold again in the young:  this is among the greatest achievements I see in her, a victorious life.  She, like Kellner, and like many, also have plenty of awards, honors, degrees, etc, but it was in the semantics of her life that she gave the rest of us meaning.  She taught me about death:  but by doing that she taught me about life,  and I did not become a 'death-denier'.  When I came into faith,  it helped me to understand faith better. Faith and Hope.

She was one of the people who gave me many opportunities, always without fanfare: she had a knack for seeing who was good at what: she was one of the most welcome additions to my doctoral committee.   I have left researching most thanatological issues,  over the years in an effort instead to learn to love people better, to be more sincere in my faith, more authentic in belief.  That crossroads, that night that I 'randomly' stopped into see some old friends and mentors, led me teach more eternal lessons.  I will greatly miss Dr. Wass: she may be one of the last of a kind.