On Stillbirth: An Open Letter to the Clergy
from a number of years ago. Hope all find these useful.
Many blessings,
Dr. Elizabeth K. Best
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Forgotten Grief: New Feature
Until the main site is on again, I am going to feature pages from the old site here, as well as page posting of some former articles. Many of my former articles may be accessed via google Scholar at scholar.google.com, but I will try to post full versions of the more significant articles online. Starting today I have posted the first:
Sunday, August 18, 2013
note
there is currently appearing online a wattpad blog calling itself forgotten grief.
I am NOT associated with them and know nothing of their work. THE FORGOTTEN GRIEF has been around since 1980 when i first published the title and has always been associated with my 32 years of research writing and conferences.
Please note the difference. Elizabeth Kirkley Best Ph.D
there is currently appearing online a wattpad blog calling itself forgotten grief.
I am NOT associated with them and know nothing of their work. THE FORGOTTEN GRIEF has been around since 1980 when i first published the title and has always been associated with my 32 years of research writing and conferences.
Please note the difference. Elizabeth Kirkley Best Ph.D
Monday, August 5, 2013
Not an Endorsement
http://www.citymomnow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Little-Spirits-Garden-Brochure-24SEP2012-web.pdf
A short time ago, I found that a quote of mine from The Forgotten Grief regarding the grieving of parents was being used on the front page of amemorial garden called "Little Spirits Garden". The quote was correct, and was not used in any wrong way, but its prominent feature on the site of the page made it look like an endorsement of the Vancouver "Little Spirits Garden" a place where stillborn babies are laid to rest.
While it may seem insensitive to write this I feel that I must, since the quote, which while legally used in some respects (any one can quote anything up to 400 words), in other ways appears far too much like an endorsement.
I know very little about Little Spirits Garden except that the premise of the place is based upon a philosophy and semi-religious, 'new age' base, which I do not share, and cannot endorse. I have asked them three times to consider the use of other material rather than mine which has a Christian worldview, though many people from many walks of life use the material. They have agreed but never take it down, so I feel that I have no choice but to express my non-endorsement of the project: my work in the Christian community and my faith in God necessitate integrity and a knowledge of where I stand on certain issues.
Whether the very little babies should be buried in separate sections or in family sections is of course a matter of private choosing: there are positive and negative points to both: this is not really the issue. My particular feeling is that a family is a family and should be buried together, and the identity and integrity of the child's life should be preserved in death. Not all people though have family plots, and there are many other reasons for making another decision which are perfectly legitimate: it has to do with parental choice, of which I have always been an advocate.
However, the occultic nature of the approach to this particular memorial garden, would cause me never to offer an endorsement based upon my own work, and knowledge of the Word of God. While they may keep the quote against my will on the front page of their site, I likewise feel free to write this post acknowledging my displeasure at it. In this way no one's choices are hampered.
In professional work with perinatal bereavement we seldom admit or acknowledge our faith or beliefs, but that is in some ways a form of hypocrisy and not objectivity because dealing with parents and the death of infants inherently involves beliefs and doctrine. This was one of the reasons I left psychology for more ministerial concerns, to better aid parents since most of their most troubling questions were about their infants well-being in eternal life. It is for this reason, that this post is written, and not to dissuade any one from making other choices, but to make clear, that the position of the above memorial garden, is not mine.
Elizabeth (Libbie) Kirkley Best, PhD
Director, THE FORGOTTEN GRIEF
A short time ago, I found that a quote of mine from The Forgotten Grief regarding the grieving of parents was being used on the front page of amemorial garden called "Little Spirits Garden". The quote was correct, and was not used in any wrong way, but its prominent feature on the site of the page made it look like an endorsement of the Vancouver "Little Spirits Garden" a place where stillborn babies are laid to rest.
While it may seem insensitive to write this I feel that I must, since the quote, which while legally used in some respects (any one can quote anything up to 400 words), in other ways appears far too much like an endorsement.
I know very little about Little Spirits Garden except that the premise of the place is based upon a philosophy and semi-religious, 'new age' base, which I do not share, and cannot endorse. I have asked them three times to consider the use of other material rather than mine which has a Christian worldview, though many people from many walks of life use the material. They have agreed but never take it down, so I feel that I have no choice but to express my non-endorsement of the project: my work in the Christian community and my faith in God necessitate integrity and a knowledge of where I stand on certain issues.
Whether the very little babies should be buried in separate sections or in family sections is of course a matter of private choosing: there are positive and negative points to both: this is not really the issue. My particular feeling is that a family is a family and should be buried together, and the identity and integrity of the child's life should be preserved in death. Not all people though have family plots, and there are many other reasons for making another decision which are perfectly legitimate: it has to do with parental choice, of which I have always been an advocate.
However, the occultic nature of the approach to this particular memorial garden, would cause me never to offer an endorsement based upon my own work, and knowledge of the Word of God. While they may keep the quote against my will on the front page of their site, I likewise feel free to write this post acknowledging my displeasure at it. In this way no one's choices are hampered.
In professional work with perinatal bereavement we seldom admit or acknowledge our faith or beliefs, but that is in some ways a form of hypocrisy and not objectivity because dealing with parents and the death of infants inherently involves beliefs and doctrine. This was one of the reasons I left psychology for more ministerial concerns, to better aid parents since most of their most troubling questions were about their infants well-being in eternal life. It is for this reason, that this post is written, and not to dissuade any one from making other choices, but to make clear, that the position of the above memorial garden, is not mine.
Elizabeth (Libbie) Kirkley Best, PhD
Director, THE FORGOTTEN GRIEF
Thursday, January 17, 2013
My new book is out on Kindle. She was Born, but she Died is a child's story of speaking with her grandmother about the death of her stillborn sister Emily. Written from a Christian point of view, the Grandmother reassures the child that death is not the end, and that there will one day be a joyful reunion, although their grief is great. Written and Illustrated/graphics by Elizabeth Kirkley Best.
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